Island of Maui (Part 2: Accommadation and Hazards)

Okay, if you clicked on this expecting a serious and informative post about Maui, you've come to the wrong place. Lately, I've been doing a lot of "useful" posts, but I want you to read for entertainment as well as learning important-sounding stuff. Let me be honest and upfront here: You probably won't get much useful information out of this at all. But maybe you'll laugh a little. Alright, end of rant. Moving on...

ACCOMMODATION ON MAUI: 

The first thing you want to do when you go to Maui is finding out where you're going to stay. The best way to book an accommodation is by going to the condo or hotel's website. VRBO and Tripadvisor are also useful sources for reviews and booking.  However, those advertisers can be very pesky, and they'll tell you that a hotel room is "oceanfront" when in reality it's six feet underground (more or less). To outwit them I'd recommend following the following guide.

Decoding different meanings for accommodation locations:

Beachfront: See plenty of screaming beachgoers and not much actual beach in this less than idyllic setting. If you're lucky, your accommodation might not be completely blocked by palm tree trunks.
Ocean Front: This is actually an Ocean View, but Ocean Front sounds way better doesn’t it.
Ocean View: If I give you this telescope, can you make it out? Just in the corner there, no, over there, just look past that shrub and…Is that a mountain? Well it might be a glimpse of the ocean. Ok, ocean view then. 
Garden View: All you will see is this lumpy green everywhere outside your windows. Just foliage. Maybe a little bit of dirt if you’re lucky. 
Scenic Mountain View: This could be more accurately named “Parking Lot View” because usually the parking lots are behind the resorts, and so are the mountains, but what sounds better?
Traditional View: Also known as the “Cheap View” or “Garbage Can View”. These are the resort rooms that are situated in the very back, right on the road next to the McDonalds outlet over there. 
Natural Paradise View: If you love dirt, you’ll love the Natural Paradise! Located underground, the 5-in window in your luxury suite will give you a view of all the local ants, worms, and pill bugs. 
Beautiful Budget View: Don’t ask. Please. 

Beachfront accommodation.

Garden view at its best.

Now that you've decided what accommodation type to look for, it's time to figure out where to book a place to stay. If you're wondering where to stay in Maui, here's another list that conveniently points out the pros and cons of each area: 

Where To Stay In Maui:

Kapalua: Yay! Where are we? I haven't seen any humans in the last week I've been here. Well, the tour guide brochure said this area is secluded, but I wasn't thinking of this exactly... Okay, time to forage for food! (In all seriousness, Kapalua is a very nice place to stay if you want a quiet resort area, but it's a 20 minute drive to... basically anything.)

"Time to forage for food!" This is Kapalua (when sunny).

Napili: Some older condos, most surrounding beautiful Napili Beach. Again, it's a pretty isolated area. Also, it rains a lot here. 

Kahana: Eh. Quiet and calm, but there are definitely more fun areas to stay in Maui. I guess you could stay here if you really hate parties or something. 

Honokowai: See Kahana. 

Ka'anapali: Out of all the areas in West Maui, it's the busiest and loudest. But it's also got great beaches, great resorts, great shopping, great activities and great food. 

Beautiful (and windy) Ma'alea.

Lahaina: Lots of stores and restaurants, but there isn't much actual accommodation (or parking, for that matter) here. No actual "beach" here. 

Ma'alea: What? I can't hear anything... It's too windy here! This is probably the windiest place in the entire state, but on a happy note look at my outdoor BBQ-- it's been beautifully sandblasted. However, this area is convenient (being between south and west Maui), it's quiet, and the beach is nice for walking. 

North Kihei: Ew, the beaches are gross and it's too windy here. 

South Kihei: Beautiful beaches, shops, restaurants, barely any rain (ever). Although crowded and sometimes noisy, it's pretty nice here. 

Makena is quiet, but it's also very picturesque. 

Wailea: Possibly the most beautiful place to stay in all of Maui. Paradise, beaches, tropical atmosphere, not isolated and not overcrowded-- the only catch is the price. 

Makena: Prettier than Kahana and Honokowai (and with better beaches), relatively isolated, and quiet. 

Hana: Stay here for awesome nightlife, you crazy party animal! (Just kidding.) Very isolated, with some nice beaches. Being on the tip of East Maui, you'll either have to drive there or fly in. 

Kahului: The only reason you'd stay here would be closeness to the airport, and why would you do that? 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Another integral part of travelling is knowing and understanding the risks. Maui is a pretty safe place, but from sharks to rabid geckos to rocks that attack your foot, it's important to learn about how to deal with these hazards. 

*NOTE: I'm doing this for your entertainment, which means I probably don't have your best interests in mind. If you actually follow my advice on this, you probably deserve whatever happens to you.*

MAUI'S HAZARDS: 

Gecko: If you find a gecko in your condo, don't worry. It probably got in through your air conditioner. Most species don't bite, but if you encounter one that does go out to a pharmacy and buy a pacifier to satisfy his/her chewing needs. Once they are calmed down, gently pick it up and push it back through the air conditioner. Problem solved!

I was thinking of an actual gecko, not the
GEICO Insurance gecko, but it looked so cute. Sorry. 

Cockroach/Other Nasty Bug: Put a sugar cube on a shovel, and when the roach climbs on just flip him out the window! Warning: Watch you don't hit the window with the shovel. Warning: Watch you don't let go of the shovel as well as the roach. 

Jellyfish: If you see what you think is a jellyfish while swimming, touch it to make sure it's not a plastic bag. If it hurts you, swim away. If it turns out to be a plastic bag, then it's not a hazard unless you're a turtle.

Turtles: Not a hazard! They're cute but don't try to pet them as they are not pets. If you want them to be friends with you, chase them around while snorkelling. Then, feed them some algae and you guys will practically be besties! Hint: Watch the turtle doesn't bite you when you try to feed it.

Stingray: Just stay away from the tail (which hurts) and take a cool picture with your underwater camera for Instagram.

*insert Jaws music here*

Snake: I'm pretty sure there are no snakes on Maui. If you see one, you're on the wrong island.

Nakalele Blowhole: Don't fall in. Enough said. (A post on this coming up.)

Sharks: Some sharks on Maui are more dangerous than others. While reef, tiger, and bull sharks can pose a threat to swimmers in offshore waters, another species is even more hazardous. I like to refer to them as touristsharkus domesticus. These sharks can be found in many local tourist shops, and their tiny plastic teeth are unbelievably sharp when someone snaps you with them. See the picture at right for a better description. 

The Sun: If you exclude the accommodation taxes, this hazard affects the by far the most people on Maui. Try to avoid being out in the sun between 11am and 2pm, when the rays are strongest. It's easy to get fried when swimming on Maui because the wind and water hides the symptoms of a sunburn. Make sure you wear a strong sunblock (SPF 15 or higher). Ignore any claims of it being waterproof, sunproof, sandblast proof, nuclear radiation proof, etc. and reapply every few hours to avoid a burn.

The oceans of Maui are great for swimming, snorkelling,
and yes, Instagram photos. 

Water hazards: Don't turn your back on the ocean; a wave might sneak up on you and knock you over. Never swim alone, in the mouth of a river, in murky water, or when the seas aren't calm. Make sure you observe ocean conditions carefully, and don't let the island's idyllic environment cloud your judgement. Like geckos, oceans are a powerful force and they need to be respected.

Rocks: As I've found out, toes have well-known magnetic properties and will often attract a rock. Water shoes give you better grip, and they'll keep your feet safe from those pesky rocks.


This concludes my post on Maui's accommodation and hazards. (I know, it's kind of a weird combination.) The next post might be more useful, but it's a lot of fun for me to write about strange things. Hopefully you laughed at something, even if it was the plastic shark.

Well, sea you later! (Hahaha... that was one two many bad puns.)

Island of Maui (Part 1: Beaches)

Maui's a beautiful island-- rich in everything from pineapples to geckos-- even if it doesn't look that big. Despite the fact that their magical credit card machines will suck out more money than you thought possible, I'd highly recommend going there for winter or spring break.
I'm going to split up all the information into a few different posts, but this one's going to be all about Maui's beaches. Future posts will help you decide where to stay, where to go, and what to do if you ever decide to go on a vacation to this tropical island paradise. Even if you've already been, read the next post for a few tips on 9 of Maui's best beaches.

Maui's Beaches:

Out of all the hawaiian islands, Maui has some of the best, most user-friendly beaches. Whether you want to swim, snorkel, surf, or just frolic around on the beach like an idiot, there's definitely a beach for you! Although South Maui has the most good beaches, West Maui has a few gems. I'm not going to review all the beaches (there are a LOT), but I'll describe some of the island's best, from the bottom of South Maui, clockwise around the island. 

A view of Big Beach from the lava point on the north side. 

Big Beach- Nearly a kilometre long and over 30 metres wide, this beautiful golden crescent of sand is amazing to look at. 

Conditions: When waters are calm, the sea is very inviting, but in the winter be aware of large waves. Because it's right at the bottom of South Maui, wind isn't usually much of a problem. 

Crowds: This is a very popular beach, and as a result you'll want to get there early. 

Best for: Walking, frolicking, sometimes swimming and boogie boarding. If you're not a strong swimmer, don't go swim here because the waves break right on the shore, and the surf comes in at strange angles. 

Location: A minute or so past Makena, in South Maui, just north of 'Ahihi Cove. 

Po'olenalena Beach- One of the least used large beaches in the Wailea/Makena area, this beach is one of the island's best spots for snorkelling. 

Po'olenalena is one of the best snorkelling spots in South Maui.

Conditions: The surf is usually quite gentle, and the offshore waters are almost completely free of rock outcroppings. 

Crowds: Unlike a lot of other South Maui beaches, this beach is quiet, calm, and very much uncrowded (although weekends can be busier here). 

Best for: Snorkelling (especially for beginners) is amazing thanks to the clear water and interesting topography, boogie boarding is good (when there's surf) and swimming is great too. 

Location: In South Maui, south of Palauea Beach and in between Wailea and Makena. 

Palauea Beach- Another great beach near Wailea that offers excellent swimming, calm surroundings, and relatively clear water. 

Conditions: Water access is easy, and the gently sloping shoreline is free of rocks. The recessed bay doesn't get as windy as other beaches in the area. 

Crowds: It's a little busier than Po'olenalena beach, but considering the location is certainly one of the quietest beaches in the area. 

Best for: Swimming, and snorkelling around the left side (the right is good too, but offshore waters can be cloudy). 

Location: Near Wailea, and south of Polo beach (in South Maui).

That's it... we're not leaving... EVER! (Wailea Beach isn't usually this quiet.) 

Wailea Beach- Almost half a kilometre long, this classic crescent of sand is a must-go-to beach on Maui. 

Conditions: The setting is picturesque and waters are calm most of the time. In the afternoon, it can become windy so morning is the best time to visit.

Crowds: Unfortunately, you won't find this beach empty (it's backed by the Grand Wailea resort), and parking can be a problem. 

Best for: Swimming and frolicking is excellent here, and the snorkelling is decent at both ends of the beach. Boogie boarding is good at the left side when there's surf. 

Location: This beach is located in Wailea in South Maui, south of Mokapu and Ulua beaches. 

Keawakapu Beach- A long, excellent beach with lots of sand on and offshore, and very clear water. 

Conditions: Mornings are best as with most South Maui beaches, as afternoons can be windy. Even in the winter, the surf is pretty calm.

Crowds: Like Wailea beach, Keawakapu can get pretty busy, especially on weekends and during the winter season. The left side of the beach is less used than the area by the main public access.

Best for: Frolicking, swimming, and snorkelling (which can be good at the northern rocky point at the end of the beach). 

Keawakapu Beach is one of South Maui's best beaches.

Location: In South Maui, in the South Kihei/Wailea area, north of Mokapu and Ulua beaches. 

Kama'ole Beaches- An awesome trio of South Kihei beaches, each a great place for a different activity. 

Conditions: Mornings are best, as the afternoons are windy. Kameole 1 is the biggest and best of the three, Kameole 2 has the same clear water and fine sand, and Kameole 3 has a little more seaweed (and is most used of the three). 

Crowds: You won't find these beaches quiet, as they are some of the most popular in South Maui. Kameole 3 is most used by locals. 

Best for: Kameole 1 is good for swimming and snorkelling (especially at the right end), Kameole 2 is a great place for frolicking and swimming, (decent snorkelling at the rocky points), and Kameole 3 has the most reliable boogie boarding in South Maui, due to bigger waves even during calmer seas. 

Location: In South Kihei, a ways north of Keawakapu Beach. 

Ka'anapali Beach- This beach fronts lots of resorts in central Ka'anapali, and one of the best ways to spend your evening in West Maui. 

Conditions: The entire beach has a fine, sandy bottom (and very few rocks!). During calm seas, the swimming and snorkelling is great, but when the surf's up, don't go in the water. 

Crowds: This beach may not be hidden and untrampled, but you won't be disappointed. There's a concrete path along the beach, and it's a great place for an evening walk or run.

You won't find it empty and untrampled, but Ka'anapali
Beach never disappoints. 

Best for: Walking, swimming (when calm), bodysurfing (in the middle of the beach), and snorkelling (at the north end).   

Location: In Ka'anapali, in West Maui; south of Kahekili Beach Park. 

Kahekili Beach Park- A sandy bottom, clear water, and protection from afternoon winds-- this is one of the best West Maui beaches.

Conditions: A windbreak running north of here helps to protect you from wind, but like Ka'anapali beach, high winter surf can partially erase the sandy bottom and make the water cloudier. 

Crowds: Although less crowded than some other beaches in the West Maui area, it's still a pretty popular beach. Mornings are best here. 

Best for: Walking is great all the time. Frolicking and swimming (when seas are calm), and snorkelling (but you'll have to go farther out). 

Location: Just north of Ka'anapali beach, in West Maui. 

Napili Beach- A small but fun West Maui beach with lots of sand and a cove that blocks much of the afternoon wind. 

Conditions: When seas are calm, it's good for swimming but beware that the steep shoreline causes waves to slap the shoreline and recede quickly, creating an impressive undertow during high surf. 

Crowds: Like most good West Maui beaches, it can be fairly crowded (especially on weekends and holidays). 

Best for: This beach is a great place for swimming and frolicking, as long as the seas are calm. During high surf, sit on the sand and watch the waves. 

A dramatic sunset on the shores of Sugar Beach. 

Location: In Napili (in the northern part of West Maui), south of Kapalua. 

Other beaches: The 9 beaches I've listed in this post are some of my favourite, but there are lots of others. If I gave detailed information on all of them, this post would be way too long. Here are some honourable mentions that you can look up if you're interested or going to Maui:
Best Long Walk: Sugar Beach (Ma'alea/North Kihei area)
Best West Maui Snorkelling: Black Rock (Ka'anapali) and Honolula Bay (north of Kapalua)
Best Secluded Beach: Pa'ako Beach (past Big Beach)
Best West Maui Swimming: Kapalua Beach (Kapalua)
Best Less Known Beach: Black Sand Beach (Makena)

Thanks for reading! The next Maui post will be all about where to stay, and also how to find the best accommodation (does "oceanfront" mean actual oceanfront, or "you might just make out the ocean past those palm tree trunks"?).

Finally, if you have any travel advice, tips, or feedback of your own, leave a comment below :)